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Requiem - Falling Out Of Time

by Christoph Buchwald

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1.
Ouverture 01:56
2.
2. At The Kitchen Table When the evening fell, the man stood up, left his soup on the table, Said to his wife, Forgive me, I’ve got to leave. Our boy, I hear him calling, in a language mysterious to me. Can’t find no sleep, this nightmare keeps me wandering. When she asked, Why, and where are you going?, The silence in the room was tight. At the doorstep the man said silently: I’ll walk into the night, For a last goodbye to our beloved boy, somewhere in this universe, Say a prayer for his gentle soul, wherever he may be. A prayer for his gentle soul, wherever he may be. The years gone by, it feels unreal, he’s not at our table, No sound, no music from his empty room. Our dear boy, I feel him waving across the river to me, I’m heading for the place he loved to be. Want to hear his humming, hear his breath, burn it in my timid heart, As consolation when the flag goes up and his name’s engraved in a wall, In line with all the underdogs, who’ve fallen out of time, Our son and all the gentle souls, for whom the bells are tolling, Our son and all the gentle souls, for whom the bells are tolling. Ah-ah-ah. Sometimes I think he talks to me on my speechless seeking trail, I wake up, his name is written on the wall. Say: he waits for me, wants me to see, no surrender to the pain, Like all the thousand desperate, who know their hope’s in vain. Their hope for all their dear ones in this whole wide universe, Our son and all the gentle souls, who’re lying in a row, In line with all the underdogs, who’ve fallen out of time, The kind ones and the gentle souls, for whom the bells are tolling. The soldiers, heroes, underdogs, for whom the bells are tolling, Our son and all the gentle souls, for whom the bells are tolling. Ah-ah-ah.
3.
3. Don’t Lose Track I touched him: Look forward, It’s five years now without him. Remember him with all your love, There is a life we’ll grow in. So don’t you lose track, You won’t see him back, believe me. Just do keep your head, Don’t challenge the dead, God bless you! Don’t leave me alone, Have your soup and sit down at our table. Don’t go, don’t walk into the night. So don’t you lose track, You can’t get him back, believe me. I know these years ’ve been tight, But don’t get out of mind, God bless you! Don’t leave me alone, Have your soup and sit down at our table. Don’t go, desert is being served. Don’t go, don’t walk into the night Don’t go, don’t walk into the night and Into the darkness, into the darkness, Into the darkness, into the darkness, darkness –
4.
Goodbye 03:52
4. Goodbye But he waved goodbye, headed down to the river To see if he’d get closer to his boy – For the glimpse of a moment, just a glimpse of a second – The desperate hope of a desperate man. With a mumbled farewell he closed the door with a prayer Of hope that he’d get closer to his boy – call it The desperate hope of a desperate man. The desperate walk of a desperate man, The endless walk of a desperate soul.
5.
Stabat Mater 03:12
5. Stabat Mater If grey speaks your eyes and black curls your hair If careful walks your feet and sore swells your despair And pity breaks you and weakness cracks you and you never lift your hand again. And only if your nightmares dream you And only if old worries haunt you I will stand beside you in the black cold cave. Yes, I will stand beside you in the black cold cave. And only if your want could reach me, And only if your wounds would let me, When your tower is crumbling and fear clatters your teeth, And you gaze into nothing and Ker has whitened your cheeks And your gaze is all darkness – and you have only one more day. But I will stand beside you in the black cold cave, Yes, I will stand beside you, but I’m not the one who saves. But I will stand beside you in the black cold cave, Yes, I will stand beside you, but I’m not the one who saves. I will stand beside you and let fireflies nest my hair.
6.
6. What Is The Benefit Of This (The Centaur) I’m standing here, I’m standing stable, with four feet on the ground, I’m half a man and half a table, I’m the Centaur of the Count, And I say to myself and to all you fuddled walkers: You circlers, you bipeds and friends. And I’m shouting in silence to you, who hear voices, Who’re walking in circles to the ones you miss; Yes, I’m shouting and stammering to you in your walk-night: Go home, take off your shoes, no resurrections to report. I’m standing here, I’m standing stable, all four legs on the ground. I’m half a man and half a table, I’m the Centaur of the Crown, And I pray to myself and to all you crazy walkers, You night-cats, you dazed and confused. Yes, I’m shouting and stammering to you in your blindness: Run home, take off your shoes – and your soup is getting cold. And how can you believe – How can you believe – How can you have faith in the benefit of this? How can you believe – And why do you believe – How can you believe to find peace and quiet, To find peace and quiet, To find peace In your sleep?
7.
7. Soup And Enlightenment (The Choir of the Faithful Souls) Let us, let us sing for you At your silent walk – at your silent walk. Let us, let us sing ‘bout him, And how he laughed and talked – loved and lived and talked. Let us, let us sing for you About those sacred days – about those sacred days, When the fabric of his life Was made of cotton and silk – of fearlessness and silk. But now, as the bells of the lost souls are tolling, And only the river keeps chuckling and rolling, You’d better believe – you’d better believe You’d better believe – please, do believe You’d better believe in soup and enlightenment In soup and enlightenment In soup and enlightenment Just soup and enlightenment Soup and enlightenment – walk on home! Soup and enlightenment – come on home! Soup and enlightenment, Amen.
8.
8. The Bad Dream We headed up north, it was late at night, Some of our mates were caught in a tank battle, and Deep down inside we knew we had to fight, and The commander said, Boys, there’s trouble in the air! That night we lost our guardian angel, Some of us prayed, and someone just cursed. So we crossed the lines, obeyed the law, and A sergeant barked, Boys, we fuck them up for peace! Some loaded their guns, and someone just belched, But our mate thought of the Sabbath to come. His Mom cleaned the house as if she knew That there was a mourning to come, And deep down inside we knew it all About the fears and the pain And how fragile we were. How fragile we are, how fragile we are. Some of us prayed, and someone just cursed, But he thought of the Sabbath to come, When he’d be back, with a backpack on his back, When he’d be back at Mevasseret. When he’d be back home, With Jonathan and Ruti and Dad and Mom, With Jonathan and Ruti and Dad and Mom. Then we’ve lost our guardian angel, and God said to Abraham: Give me your son! So we crossed the lines on this worst day of war, And God pointed down: Is he the one? And God asked: Abe, is this your son? Is this – your – son?
9.
9. Every Thought Starts To Crumble We’re helplessly hoping they don’t knock at our door; Dark angels, no helmets, coming down our floor. We’re helplessly hoping, they don’t have the bad news. Then our world is collapsing, and they stare at their boots – Every thought starts to crumble, a flash of lightning hits the brain. Words fail and words stumble, exhaustion numbs our pain. We’re helplessly hoping, that they don’t close their eyes, And a darkness comes upon us, white heat in our minds.
10.
Prayer 04:27
10. Prayer Lord, I’m walking round and round in circles, I pray in silence to an empty sky – To an empty sky. Son, just hear my prayer and forgive me. In silent rage I sing my mournful plea – Sing my mournful plea. In the distance I hear thunder, I’m stuck in my circles, wander on, Wander on. In the dark night of the soul Light a candle for us all, Or send an earthquake, let the sky shake, let the birds fall down, Or let my sorrows drown and wash them away. Just wash them away! I’m walking in circles, can find no consolation. Shine on, you stars, illuminate my path – Shine on, you stars. Our world has been shaken Our loved ones been taken away – Taken away. In the dark night save my soul Hear my prayer and make me whole, Or rip the curtain, drown my burden, let the walls come down, and Take away my crown of thorns. Lord, rip the curtain, let the fires raineth down on me, and Take away my thorny crown. Lord, drown my burden, hear my prayer, let the walls come down, And take away my thorny crown. Just, take away my thorny crown. Lord, take away my thorny crown – soon.
11.
11. Embrace Me And Farewell I need you, want to feel you, wanna give you My voice and my eyes, my silent cries, My lungs and my veins, and I feel the pain, as the Ferryman shakes his head, says, There is no return. It’s a one direction fare, and your child won’t come home. Embrace me, wave to me from the other side, And I will offer you all I am, hug you if I can. I just need you, want to see you, and your Buster Keaton grin, And I will offer you all I am, give you all I can. Embrace me, unlace me, take my eyes and ears, My muscles and my brains. See me, feel me, touch me and need me, And heal me from this pain. Before I’ll let you go into the silence over there, Come feel me once more, and I’ll lose all my fears. A glimpse, a heartbeat, a secret little sign Before, finally, I can say farewell to you. A word, your voice, a rush just through the air, Before eternally you fall out of time. Before eternally you fall out of time. Before eternally you fall out of time. You fall out of time, You fall out of time.
12.
12. Oft denke ich Oft denke ich, sie sind nur ausgegangen, und balde sind sie wieder zuhaus. Der Tag ist schön, sei du nicht bang, sie machen nur einen weiten Gang. Sie machen nur einen weiten Gang. Sie sind uns nur vorausgegangen, doch werden sie je nach Haus gelangen? Doch wir hol‘n sie ein, auch sind sie fern unter dem hellen Abendstern, am Himmel der helle Abendstern.
13.
13. The Choir of the Mourners We are the choir of the fathers and mothers, We’re walking the march of the mourners, the sad, To the ones who’ve got missed, got lost in a warzone, The lovers, the faithful, the uncles and aunts, To the ones who’ve been killed in a war. We silently march in a long procession, The baker, the miller, the teacher, the nurse, Parents and mourners of every profession, A plumber, a poet, a preacher, no curse. The ones who’ve lost their way, lost their way. We are the choir of the furious, the lost ones, The workers, the housewives, the waiters, the twins, The rich and the poor out of every profession, The lost and forlorn ones with paper-thin skin. The ones who’ve lost their souls, lost their souls. We’re silently marching down to the river, The tailor, the grocer, the singer, the calm, The big and the small ones, the lame and the restless, The wise and the angry, the ones without name. The ones struggling on, lost and brave. There are walkers who pray and others who stay in their dark night. There are mourners who hide from the devil inside and just join in. And we all, we sing again and again, and we march on, Sing the song of the mourners.
14.
14. This Way! That Way! (The Choir of the Lost Souls) This way! That way! Come, join in! This way! That way! Come, join in! Join the choir of the wishful – the choir of the lost Join the choir of the sinful – the march of the lost. We race through the days – we’re pushed through the days, We run through our days – we’re drawn through the days, But we have no choice, but sing in the dark. We stumble down to nowhere and we pray for a sign In the great wide open, and it’s cold outside. This way! That way! Come, join in! This way! That way! Come, join in! Join the choir of the silent, no song to be heard, Join the march of the hopeful, no hope to be seen, Join the march of the faithful – with no God on our side.
15.
15. Centaur’s Question (The Centaur) Met a loner from Chicago, a black bride in Tel Aviv, Met a centaur in the desert, and a wise man near Recife, But not a single one believed in this derailed Halloween, You don’t meet your loves at the Styx, my dear, no hear, no see. You can’t meet the dead at the Styx, my dear, no hear, no see! Heard a sermon of Father McKenzie and a choir in Berlin, Met Eleanor Rigby at the graveyard and a saint singing his hymn. They call me a scoffer, who pencils all this down, Looking for an answer, to report to the crown. Surprisingly too many hoped, when going down on their knees, That they can meet their loves at the Styx, but it’s no hear, no see. You can’t meet the dead at the Styx, my dear, no hear, no see. So what is the benefit of all this? The dead don’t return, no hug nor kiss! They never come back, no whisper, no bliss. So what is the benefit of this? Tell me What is the logic of this? The dead don’t return, no doubt about this, They never come back, get used to what you miss. So what is the benefit of this? Tell me What is the benefit of this? So, please, walk back, live your life, embrace your wife, Walk home, have your soup, find your peace, back to life! And don’t you lose track and don’t go out of your mind, Completely, completely, completely out of mind Completely, completely, completely out of mind Completely, completely, completely out of mind!
16.
16. Framed On The Mantelpiece Now they’re calling their children with no voice in their whisper, They’re breathing ‘bit faster and cannot ease their pain. But there’s no glimpse, no voice, no sign No mate, no child, no soldieress There is no son, no mom, no niece They’re standing framed on the mantelpiece Between two candles and some shells . There is no haze, no hum, no star, No aid or Fräulein Wunderbar, No burning bush, no prophet on a hill, Our love stands framed on the windowsill Between white roses and some shells. Because their sons and daughters have fallen, And their mates and friends have fallen, And their mothers and lovers have fallen, Have fallen out of time, Fallen out of time, Fallen out of time.
17.
17. Anniversary Blues Every year, every year without knowing it I have passed the day When the last fires will wave to me And the silence will set out. Tireless traveller, like the beam of a Lightless star, Tireless traveller, like the beam of a Lightless star. Then I will no longer find myself in life As in a strange garment. Surprised at the earth And the love of one woman. And the shamelessness of men. Well – as today writing after three days of rain Hearing the wren sing and the falling cease And bowing, not knowing to whom. Hearing the wren sing and the falling cease And bowing, not knowing to what.
18.
18. Do You Remember Do you remember, love, how he loved summer 16 17 And the orchard in September, picking pears ’n plums and grapes. Do you remember, dear, when he came home, Greeting Schneller in his cage, whistling music in the air, Greeting Schneller in his cage, whistling music in the air. Doo-dah And it’s a blessing to remember his airy-fairy laughter, When he looked like Poseidon, with hair from salty tang. And do you remember, love, those days in Amsterdam, Him playing on the square, when he made Dubi dance, Him playing on the square, when he made Dubi dance. Doo-dah But it’s a nightmare to remember: these days are dead and gone. It slices all these memories and strips them to the bone. Just think of the times full of laughter, The times when he made his jokes. The times when the little boy was crying, And the days when a girl stole his heart. Just think of the boy as a smart lad, Surprising you again and again, And keep him close by remembering – It’s the only way, the only way Not to lose Him.
19.
Just Silence 01:21
19. Just Silence They’re praying, they’re moaning, they walk, No barking in the distance, no humming, no talk, Just silence, a river under the skies And a wind that whispers, then dies. No blackbird, no cricket talking in a tree, No lonesome messiah walking across the sea Of Galilee, just a noiseless, soundless day, A noiseless, soundless cracking day. Noiseless, soundless cracking.
20.
The Blade 02:38
20. The Blade He fills endless pages, and it makes him insane, No count will ever read this Chronicle of Pain. Pins down the stories of fathers and mothers, The windswept girls and their sad-eyed lovers, Who whisper with no voice, how it feels, when a Sharp blade slices you into two Slices you into two. But much worse than this, the Centaur cries, And writes it down with an awful precision. Hears endless stories of fear and consternation, A thousand lies of hope, the sobs of desperation, Can’t find the right words for how it feels, when a Sharp blade slices you into two Slices you into two. ’Cos inside the pain there is breath, Yes, inside the pain are life and breath. And even worse: this death is not dead. ‘Cos inside the pain death’s not dead. No! inside the pain death’s not dead And never ever will be.
21.
21. How To Handle This? (The Centaur) But what is the benefit of all this? Nobody, nobody knows how to handle this. He’s caught in this chronicle, and he’s stuck in this song, Got lost in my words, but even if they’d be strong: There is no benefit, Really no benefit, There is no benefit in this.
22.
22. Found the Words, But No Voice (The Centaur) And now that I’ve found the words for this pain Comes the worst of all, and the most insane: As long as I searched for words he was near, But now that I found them, I cannot hear his voice in my head and I lost him, Found the words, but no voice and I lost him. As long as I tried to sort out the forbidden, And name the nameless wherever it was hidden, Heard no voice in my head, I had lost it, Found the words, but no voice and I lost him. I stumbled through landscapes deaf from distress Lost language and meaning in an alphabet-mess Was afraid of the nightmare when you lose your key Wasn’t sure that the perished was the ghost that was me. As long as I searched for words he was near, But now that I found them, I cannot hear His voice in my head and I lost him, Found the words, but no voice and I lost him, Found all words, heard no voice and I lost him. God, I lost it, lost him – I’ve lost.
23.
23. We Bow Our Heads We bow our heads in sorrow, With mournful heart we sing. It seems there’s no tomorrow, Death left us with his sting. Let music be our saviour In times of pain and fear, And help us to remember The ones beloved and near.
24.
Remembrance 02:57

about

The Requiem Falling Out Of Time was written, after Christoph Buchwald, composer of Amstelveld, heard that the son of the Israeli writer and friend David Grossman, Uri, had died during the Lebanon War in 2006. “All words of condolence sounded worn out and stupid, so I finally took my guitar, wrote (during five years) 24 songs and recorded them”, with friends on drums, trumpet, piano, cello and with a choir. The result is an intriguing balance of singer/songwriter, jazzy and classical influences and some bows to Bach, Mozart and Purcell. And not to forget: some extraordinary and moving lyrics. As a requiem musically a surprisingly convincing step.

Christoph Buchwald – 6 and 12 string electric and acoustic guitars, sitar guitar, e-bow, bass, melodica, organ, e-piano, harpsichord, vibraphone, soundscape, lead and harmony vocals
Joyce van Bavel – harmony vocals on track 14
Christian Blaha – piano on tracks 7, 10
Walter Calbo – acoustic guitar and harmony vocals on track 2, piano on track 10
Cantus Choralis Choir (cond. Aleida Post) on tracks 7, 8, 10, 23
Marieke van Dijk – lead vocals on track 3, harmony vocals on track 14
Artur Jaschke – drums and percussion on tracks 2-5, 8, 11, 13-15, 17-22, 24
Elaine Michon – harmony vocals on track 12
Maarten Richel – bass clarinet on tracks 11, 19
Ko de Rooij – flugelhorn and trumpet on tracks 1, 2, 4, 8, 13, 18, 20, 24
Paul Rittel – cello on tracks 1, 5, 12, 17
Franklin Schieman – soprano and tenor sax on tracks 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 13
Robert Vroegindeweij – flute on tracks 11, 15, 16.

credits

released November 23, 2023

Thank You musicians, for your ceaseless enthusiasm and engagement in the Requiem. Thanks Christian Blaha, Walter Calbo and Ko de Rooij for the scores of the piano and brass sections, and Irwan Droog for the cd artwork and layout.
A very special Thank You to the ‘Salami-Brothers’ Walter Calbo and Jakko van der Heijden for their precision-work in the Zefir Studio and their cutting down tracks to the right length; to my beloved
Eva for all her encouragement and, of course, to my dear friend David Grossman for his generous support. The Requiem is inspired in parts by his magnificent novel Falling Out Of Time (2011).

Parts of the song Prayer are based on the song ‘Requiem’ by Eliza Gilkyson © Eliza Gilkyson; © Prayer Eliza Gilkyson/Christoph Buchwald;
The lyrics of Stabat mater are based on the poem ‘This is how willing’ by Karin Schimke, © Modjaji Books 2017 and Karin Schimke; music © Christoph Buchwald;
Anniversary Blues: the poem ‘For the Anniversary of my Death’ is by W.S. Merwin © Copper Canyon Press, 1993; music © Christoph Buchwald.
Music and lyrics of all other songs © Christoph Buchwald.
The cover illustration © bobsairport and Uitgeverij Cossee.

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